30 Jan 2011

Trying To Be Still

If you would have asked me where I was going this time last year, I would have rattled out a direction that was certain and clear. My certainty was delivered with a reckless abandonment, with the expectation that all would agree and cheer me on. It didn’t matter if you agreed or not, I couldn’t be talked off the ledge. It was an exciting time that I needed to live through and has brought me to where I am today.

The excitement has changed into a confident, but cautious season of introspection and stillness that has been uncomfortable and hurts. Learning to be still is hard when you are of the nature of shooting first then asking questions and usually apologizing later. I have had to bite my tongue so many times and do my best to listen to the Holy Spirit’s leading not just words being said. I fail so often, but learning daily to accept being quiet. In the stillness I’m learning to be more and more careful with every word, to embrace those evident truths more firmly, and hold the Word in higher regard. Which oddly enough I am finding to be more polarizing and difficult for some around me than I would have imagined. Thankfully I have many around me that love me, support me and have a whole lot of patience with me. In return I am learning to be even more intentional with those that I love and to cherish them, but most importantly I’m learning to love my Savior all over again.

As I seek to genuinely love Jesus I’m asking myself these things. Do I understand that love to Him is shown by giving up my life because He gave His? To understand that this life I have cost my Savior everything and how can I offer Him only a portion and accept His grace so freely. To understand that we are called to follow Christ and that there isn’t a proper context to be placed around follow that it is direct commandment as seen in Peter’s life. To understand faith is only real when there is obedience. To understand that to really live I must die to myself and live for Christ.

Matthew 16:24-25 “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”

2 Corithains 5:14-15 “For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.”

Current Readings and Context of Thoughts:
2 Corinthians
Acts
“The Cost of Discipleship” by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
“The Knowledge of the Holy” by A.W. Tozer

I hope to be diligent in sharing all that is happening in my life in this season.

Jonesy

29 Mar 2010

Independently Disobedient

As men don’t we generally accept the idea of people being dependent upon us?  We are typically willing to step into the role of provider, but ask us to become dependent and rely on another and we quickly become uncomfortable.

I personally find it easy to trust in myself to provide, but so incredibly tough to believe that others or even that God will provide for me.  The moment I even consider relying in Him I feel like a slacker and undeserving even though I know He is calling me to trust Him right now to meet my needs in ways I cannot understand.   I am reminded in Matthew 7:11 “If you, then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him” and in Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Even after being reminded I still struggle with trusting and being dependent upon any other to the point of disobedience and discontent. The fear of dependency and lack of trust and believing the words of God keep me from experiencing the joy and the call upon my life.

19 Feb 2010

Heavy on my heart…

This was laid heavy on my heart after some quiet time of reflection on a plane last night and felt compelled to share.

By what right do I receive the love of God or the sacrifices that were made by Jesus?  I am not worthy or deserving of that which I am to receive or will gain from the relationship I have with Christ. I have and thankfully receive mercy that is freely given though I deserve death and punishment.  Haven’t I participated in the rebellion against the throne? Haven’t I denied him by not humbling myself completely to his teaching and turning from my sin?  Can’t I claim the name Judas, but I was given the name Son, Bride and Beloved.  I am treated as a son, celebrated for returning home and not shunned for my betrayal or banished for my treachery.  I have received compassion and forgiveness without reason or conditions that is unfathomable.  I do not receive what is deserved because of the infinite mercy of God.  God’s shows us His goodness and compassion by confronting my suffering and guilt through compassion, mercy.  His mercy is great enough to cover any pain that hurt my spirit man, but I have to be willing to accept it.  I must not only accept His mercies, but believe and live within it.  To not live knowing that God is compassionate and kind and offers mercy to me is to short change your relationship with the Him and to not value His sacrifice.

Though I have earned banishment I will enjoy communion with God.

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